WOMEN can be devious at times, can’t they? Especially if they live in Soapland. Women behaving badly, though, is no laugh-aminute sitcom. Claiming you’re pregnant is no joke.

Enter Kerry, mother of all mothers.

First, there was the little matter of giving away her daughter at birth. Now she’s turned up in Emmerdale (ITV1) and re-established contact with offspring Amy. True, most of the time they are either at loggerheads or not speaking, but communication of sorts has been restored.

There’s a problem. Andy, who has been seeing Kerry, is on the sofa snogging Amy when Kerry returns from holiday. She needed a break after setting fire to the house with Andy’s kids in it when she was drunk. Kerry’s response on seeing Andy and Amy in a clinch is instant. “I’m pregnant,” she announces. That noise you can hear is the sound of Andy’s jaw dropping on the floor. He’s just had a baby (with exwife Debbie) and doesn’t want another.

But does Kerry have a bun in the oven or is she playing games? Amy thinks she’s lying, Andy demands a pregnancy test. Kerry, the sneaky cow, “borrows” some urine from a pregnant woman. Clearly she’s the sort of woman who cheats in tests.

Walford’s Kirsty is another female caught in a web of lies. In order to hang on to hubby Mad Max she’s told him she’s pregnant. She’s been trying to make it true by bonking him at every available opportunity, but so far no luck in EastEnders (BBC1).

Now it’s crunch time. Mad Max has booked her into a private clinic to have a scan and find out the sex of their unborn child. Kirsty panics (not good for her in her condition) and runs off.

Poor Max, feeling guilty that she had a miscarriage after he dumped her last time, offers kind words – kinder than the ones he’ll be saying when her lies are exposed – and even buys things for the baby’s nursery. Will Kirsty tell the truth or look for a cushion to stuff up her jumper?

Over in Weatherfield, there’s no phantom pregnancy but there is a birth. The Rovers Return rises from the ashes as the Coronation Street (ITV1) pub reopens after the first. Champagne corks pop, packets of pork scratchings are handed out and landlady Stella has a big smile.

The look would soon disappear if she knew who started the blaze in the Rovers – cunning Karl, the ex-lover who’s now asked her to marry her.

Admittedly, he’s feeling an itsy-bitsy guilty about starting the fire and even more worried about being found out.

And he can’t even claim to be pregnant.