ONE lump or two? Boozed up Lauren has the bottle to bash Lucy as her drinking spirals out of control.

Again. Her weapon is a sugar shaker which is a lot more lethal than a sugar lump. Happily, the shaker is thrown through the café window and not aimed at Lucy.

But in the hands of Lauren, anything is a lethal weapon and she’s not even drunk on this occasion in EastEnders (BBC1).

It’s a long story and a dreadful week for troubled teen Lauren. Mum Tanya is concerned about her drinking but told by her daughter it’s only because she’s split up with Joey.

But Tanya takes precautions by asking the people at the Queen Vic pub and Minute Mart not to sell Lauren any alcohol. Lauren is furious. She needs a drink – and Kim’s birthday party is just the place to find it. And it’s free.

Alas, the outcome is not pleasant. A tottering Lauren falls into Kim’s birthday cake. This is reported to Tanya (not to be confused with the Walford dominatrix Tanya Hyde) who orders her to work at the launderette in order to pay back the money she’s spent on drink. Not exactly ten years in Alcatraz, is it?

Amazingly, Lauren sobers up. Sister Abi seems to have talked some sense into her, until Tanya compares Lauren’s behaviour to that of her junkie sister Rainie. Lauren goes berserk.

That’s after she’s refused service in the Vic.

She shouts at Abi. Her ex, Joey, intervenes.

Jealous Lucy puts the boot in metaphorically and winds up Lauren.

Thwack! Lauren punches Lucy in the face, leaving her with a bloodied nose. Then Lauren takes it out on the café window. Smash! All this without a drink passing her lips. But then she feels in need of booze and – can you believe this? – goes to the Vic for a drink.

Little does she know that Lucy has arranged a surprise. The boys in blue are waiting for her. Oh dear, they don’t serve cocktails in police cells.

MORE screaming in Coronation Street (ITV1). First, in the Rovers as Izzy learns that boyfriend Gary has been bizzy on the lip-locking front with surrogate mother Tina.

Secondly, as Tina goes into labour (having rejected joining Ukip) two months early.

She wants ex-boyfriend Tommy by her side.

Oh, and she invites Izzy in to watch as well. For all I know, she’s selling tickets for the birth.

Silly Sally has been without a man for some time. She decides to do something about it by registering for an online dating website. She gets a message from a man asking to meet her for a drink but gets cold feet. Will her daughter be able to persuade her to give love a chance.

Debbie’s new role as the Hotton Godfather is leading to lots of trouble. In Emmerdale (ITV1) her dodgy dealings lead to fears that she’s being stalked. Little things like vodka bottles being smashed on her doorstep in the middle of the night. As she’s selling dodgy booze, the message is not lost on her.

A week without a fight wouldn’t be right in Emmerdale and this time it’s Adam, son of MacMoira, who gets the black eye. He comes off worse in a fight with Cain who’s more than able to fight off the lad. He doesn’t like that Mum MacMoira has moved Cain into the family home.

Fisticuffs ensue although no sugar shakers are involved.