YOU’D think it would be okay to kiss the mother of your unborn child, wouldn’t you? Well, it’s not in Soapland for very complicated reasons. Tina is carrying a baby – a girl, in case you want the details – for couple Gary and Izzy, who resorted to a surrogate after failing to make a baby together.

How nice of Tina to rent them a womb with a view to helping the childless couple.

Trouble is Gary rather fancies Tina. Not content with getting her pregnant (even if he never touched her as her bun was put in the oven at the clinic), he wonders if he shouldn’t snog her. This is a rather backward way of doing things. Usually kissing leads to the other rather than the other being the other way round. Gary has a night out with his old soldier chums, and returns to Coronation Street (ITV1) a very merry fellow. He’s developing feelings for Tina and goes to her flat to sort things out. He leans in for a kiss, only to be slapped down by Tina.

This is a problem for Gary, who realises what a silly boy he’s been because he really wants to be with Izzy. But what, I hear you ask, if Tina’s pal Tommy, in whom she confided about Gary’s pass, decides to tell Izzy about her boyfriend trying to kiss her?

One couple who did prove that one thing leads to another are Nick Nick and Kylie.

She should be so lucky, lucky, lucky.

Actually, sleeping together proved very unlucky as she got pregnant. No, I’ll correct that – she did get pregnant, but is uncertain where the daddy is husband Demonic David, Nick Nick’s brother, or Nick Nick himself.

David wants a genetic test to see if the unborn baby has inherited his epilepsy which sends Kylie and Nick Nick into a tizzy.

If I was Kylie, I’d ask to see if the baby has 666 on its head and is going to take after Demonic David.

I’ve lost count of the number of fires they’ve had in Emmerdale (ITV1), but it means the local fire brigade get plenty of practise putting out blazes. Dale View Cottage is the latest property to go up in flames, and it’s all the fault of unreliable Kerry.

She thinks she’s playing Maria in The Sound Of Music by volunteering to babysit Debbie’s children. But one of her favourite things is vodka and she is, not to beat about the bush, out of her head. She drops a cigarette and slumps unconscious in the chair as the cottage goes up in flames with her and the kids trapped inside.

Ava in EastEnders (BBC1) is getting ready for a date with Silly Billy when there’s a knock on the door. There on the doorstep is her ex, Sam, who ran out on her and her baby son two decades ago.

She’s not pleased to see him, but at least it saves her having to go out with Silly Billy.

She should thank her lucky stars for escaping a fate worse than a wet bank holiday. Ian Beale is busy counting his buried treasure – the stash of cash he found in Derek Branning’s secret safe. It’s just what Ian needs to ensure the completion of his new restaurant. He needs to keep new ladyfriend Denise happy because nothing turns her on like a man with a bulge in his pocket, where he keeps his wad of £50 notes.