THE tallest man in soap is laid to rest this week. Carl King was bashed over the head during the double wedding celebrations last week. Not once, but twice. And he didn’t even have a piece of wedding cake.

Chas delivered the first blow with something hard as he tried to rape her.

Later, Cameron, lover of both Chas and Debbie, delivered the fatal blow with a brick.

Chas is now bricking it as she languishes behind bars, awaiting an audition for Bad Girls. Cameron, if he had any moral fibre, would explain that he was responsible, not Chas. This course of action seems to have slipped his mind in Emmerdale (ITV1).

So Carl, the man who defenestrated his father one Christmas Day in between the turkey and mince pies, is dead and buried.

Fortunately, the undertaker has a very long coffin available because it would have looked so untidy with Carl’s feet sticking out of the end. Perhaps they should have opted for a stretch limo rather than a hearse.

You can’t help but feel sorry for Debbie, who’s just given birth (to the baby that’s going to save her daughter, who needs a bone marrow transplant) and was Cameron’s girlfriend. Now she learns her aunt, the inappropriately named Chastity, has been supping from the same pot, so to speak.

Her mood’s not improved when Cameron announces he’s staying in the village and trying to get Chas out of jail. He arranges a solicitor for her, although he could save a lot of time and money by just confessing that he did it.

The last King standing, Jimmy, is understandably upset as he and Carl had a punch-up over business matters shortly before his death. Only Jimmy used his fists, not a brick (Cameron) or rock (Chas).

He has to cope with Carl’s kids, Thomas and Anya. Cain rather upsets things by denouncing their dad as a rapist and generally all round not-very-nice guy. The signs aren’t good for a peaceful funeral.

Jimmy hits the bottle and Thomas tells the congregation what a rotter Carl really was.

Things aren’t any quieter in Walford where Syed and Christian’s marriage is off to a shaky start. This has something to do with Syed sleeping with Danny before the wedding in EastEnders (BBC1).

Christian thinks it was just a kiss and when he learns the truth from Danny, whom he’s lured to the Square, fists fly.

Thwak! Thump! Kerpow!

Onward Christian soldiers on, battered and bruised – straight into the arms not of Syed, but the law. Like Emmerdale’s Cameron, he lies and claims to have been the victim of a homophobic attack.

The young ones aren’t the only ones up to no good. Ken Barlow, who should know better having strayed from the marital path many times in his life, is still cosying up to old flame and fellow school governor Wendy Crozier in Coronation Street (ITV1).

This time, he has dinner with his former mistress and, after having too much to drink, falls asleep on her sofa. Instead of waking him and sending him home, she drapes a blanket round him.

I can’t wait for next morning when he has to come up with a plausible excuse for Dreary Deirdre to explain why he’s spent the night in Wendy’s house.